Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
