I accidentally had phone sex last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
