Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
