It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
