Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
