I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
