i think my tv is drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
