I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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