I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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