do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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