my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
