shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize