am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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