the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
