After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You are a genius and a whore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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