Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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