I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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