i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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