Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
