I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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