i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize