maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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