I'm going to jail i love you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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