if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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