Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize