Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
