We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
