Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
