I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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