Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
