You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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