Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
