Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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