Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
