Your tits are I can't wait for
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize