Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
