He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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