I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize