Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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