I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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