Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
honey bunches of taint.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
