i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
