how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love having hate sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
