I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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