he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
