When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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