you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
