The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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