Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..