She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.