I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
