I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
