We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize