Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at about main and main street
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
