You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
