so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All the doctor said was why
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
