Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Help. Why am I so naked?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
