i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
