her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
